Fetch Records Tumble at Parks Across Columbus

Columbus — It was a banner week for the region’s oldest and purest sport, as fetch records fell at parks across the area and competitors reported peak form heading into the weekend.

The sport’s enduring appeal lies in its beautiful simplicity: the human throws, the dog retrieves, and the human, inexplicably, throws again. Analysts continue to study the rare but devastating fake-throw, widely considered the sport’s greatest betrayal.

“I will chase it every time,” said one undeterred retriever, ball in mouth, eyes bright. “That is not naivety. That is hope.”