Grooming Sector Booms as Columbus Coats Reach Peak Floof

Columbus — The grooming industry is enjoying a banner season as coats across the region reach maximum volume, though customer sentiment at the appointment itself remains famously lukewarm.

Proprietors report the post-groom transformation is universally admired by humans and viewed with deep suspicion by the dogs themselves, many of whom spend the ride home plotting a return to a more “lived-in” look.

“I looked distinguished for eleven minutes,” said one client. “Then I found a puddle. Balance was restored.”