Sports
Squirrel Pursuit Standings Tighten as Season Heats Up
No captures reported in Columbus, but morale and ambition remain at all-time highs.
By Dash, Sports Desk
Sunday, August 2, 2026
Columbus — The competitive squirrel-pursuit circuit remains as thrilling and as scoreless as ever, with local contenders logging impressive distances and zero official captures, a statistic competitors insist misses the point entirely.
“The goal was never the squirrel,” explained one breathless veteran, gazing up a tree with undimmed devotion. “The goal is the pursuit. The squirrel is merely the excuse.”
League officials confirmed the season will continue indefinitely, as it always has, and always will.