Perfect-Stick Shortage Eases as Columbus Trees Replenish Supply

Columbus — Relief swept the region’s parks this week as the supply of the perfect stick — not too big, not too small, ideally a little muddy — rebounded to comfortable levels.

Connoisseurs note that the perfect stick is a deeply personal matter, and that one dog’s masterpiece is another’s reject. The truly great stick, all agree, is the one currently in your mouth.

“People say it’s just a stick,” sniffed one collector, dragging a branch roughly the length of a canoe. “It is not just a stick. It is the stick.”