Specialists Endorse the Evening Zoomies as Vital Cardio

Columbus — Health specialists have once again endorsed the evening zoomies, the spontaneous high-velocity lap of the home that strikes most dogs shortly after dinner or a bath.

The behavior — flattened ears, tucked rear, complete disregard for furniture — is now understood to be both excellent cardio and deeply necessary. Attempts by humans to determine the “reason” are described by researchers as “charmingly beside the point.”

“There is no why,” explained one panting expert, having completed eight laps. “There is only the zoom.”